who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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