I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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