I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
