I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
