You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
