how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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