I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
