i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
