we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
