giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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