After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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