Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
