i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
