Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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