Plan B is the new Plan A
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
