TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
