Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
