I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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