the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
