Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
