I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
