What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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