She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
