People in love make me want to vomit
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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