she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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