He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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