How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It's rum buckets o'clock
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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