"it" just moved
Banned from zoo.
Again?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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