I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
