i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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