the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
