i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
