if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
