Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
