saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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