Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
