You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
