I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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