ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
