everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
