The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
