dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
