I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
