the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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