I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I party with great urgency now.
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