I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
