Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
