i don't like sucking hair
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
wow bdsm is so cute
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
