3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
