Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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