you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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