He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
