Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
